Remarriage after Divorce

Paul E Brown, Dunstable

In the March issue of Grace Michael Bentley asked if ‘the thorny problem of the remarriage of divorced people’ could be tackled. No-one likes grasping thistles or thorns, but we all know that this is a pressing problem for an increasing number of people in an increasing number of churches. The difficulty with an article in a magazine like this is not just that there is certain to be widespread difference of opinion amongst its readers, but also that its brevity cannot adequately deal with the complexities either of Scripture exposition nor of personal circumstances.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9: But I say to the unmarried and the widows: it is good for them if they remain as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

The advantage of beginning in 1 Corinthians 7 is that the setting is the closest to our own. Paul is writing to a Christian church in a pagan culture notorious for its immorality. At the same time it has to be said that the main problem in Corinth – that of denying marriage altogether – is not one that churches face today, so we must be careful in application. Here is a very young church, with people converted out of a pagan background in large numbers. Considering this situation it seems impossible to restrict the word ‘unmarried’ simply to those who have never married. In many of our churches today ‘unmarried’ would also include divorced people.

We ought not to misunderstand what Paul is saying when he refers to ‘exercising self-control’ and ‘burning with passion’. He is not saying that if any find it difficult to control their sexual desires, then they should get a spouse as quickly as possible. The phrase ‘let them marry’ indicates two people already in love, but being forbidden to marry, so causing them pain and difficulty. Paul is a realist, as we should be.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16: But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

When the gospel came to Corinth sometimes only a wife was converted, sometimes only a husband. It is likely that at Corinth such marriages were considered unsanctified, unclean, and therefore the advice was, ‘Divorce your unconverted partner!’ Paul totally disagrees. However, he recognises that the unbelieving partner might divorce the believer. When he says, If the unbeliever departs…, we ought to take that very literally. Divorce under Roman law could be an act either of the husband or the wife (under Jewish law only the husband could divorce) and did not even need a certificate. Simply departing was divorce. There are some interesting features about the way Paul handles this matter. First, he does not refer to any words of the Lord, because the Lord was speaking to a very different situation. Then he says, ‘If the unbeliever departs, let him/her depart’. In other words, ‘Don’t cling on to the unbeliever if it is clear he/she wants to go.’ He adds, But God has called us to peace. ‘There will be no peace if he stays against his will simply because you are so insistent in your pleas for him to stay. Follow the way of peace.’

The operative words are, a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. Some take them to mean simply that it is permissible for the divorce to take place, but there is no permission for remarriage. But in such cases the believer would have no option anyway, the unbeliever would simply depart and that was that. It is much more likely that Paul means, in the words of John Owen, ‘They are not in bondage, they are free, - at liberty to marry again’ (Works, vol.16, p.257).

Matthew 19:9: And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.

The logic of this verse is that if a man divorces his wife for sexual immorality and marries another he does not commit adultery; his marriage is therefore legitimate. The word translated ‘sexual immorality’ is probably used to refer to those sexual misdemeanours, including adultery, which merited the death penalty under the Mosaic law. By this time it appears that death had been replaced by divorce (cf. Matthew 1:19). When the death penalty was exacted the surviving partner was able to remarry, and this continued when divorce was substituted. This probably lies behind the wording of the Westminster Confession: ‘In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce, and, after the divorce, to marry again, as if the offending party were dead’ (Chapter 24:5).

Matthew 5:31-32: Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce’. But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

This, I believe, is all part of the paragraph that begins in v27 and is about adultery. Jewish men were breaking the seventh commandment both by the lustful look, vv.27-30, and by turning Deuteronomy 24:1-4 into an opportunity for changing wives. By using Deuteronomy in this way they were not formally committing adultery but, just as the lustful look, it counted as adultery in the eyes of God. I say ‘wrongly divorced’ because clearly divorce because of adultery is not wrong in itself.

What is particularly important here is that Jesus simply assumes that a divorced woman will remarry. By divorcing his wife a man causes her to commit adultery. But this could only be the case if she remarried. The Lord says nothing to prohibit the woman from remarriage. He recognises that she will remarry (and in those days needed to) and puts all the responsibility on the divorcing husband. It is he who ‘makes her to be adulterous’ (literal rendering). He wrongly divorced her and takes the blame for what happens afterwards. This principle remains the same today.

There is much more that should be said. Some will certainly want to challenge my exposition of these verses. Moreover attitudes of heart are also very important. Nevertheless I believe Scripture justifies what I have written. One final word. While clearly churches must uphold what they believe to be biblical standards, a Christian is ultimately answerable only to Jesus Christ himself (Romans 14:12-14). Marriage is the most deeply personal human relationship. The distressing details of marriage breakdown belong to those involved, and so do the wrestlings and reasons which ultimately lead to remarriage. While pastors and friends may advise and warn and pray, it is Christ who is the judge.