Jack and Alison Jenner, Ulverston
We have been faced with two big crises which have both shaken and
shaped our lives: the death of a wife and baby in childbirth and then,
later, the loss of a two-year old child through cancer. No doubt the
feelings and reactions we experienced would be similar to those of many
others facing different sorts of crises. The very word ‘crisis’
indicates something difficult, intense, deep and painful. It is usually
short and sharp, but it can be longer, perhaps especially with terminal
illness or divorce. Our crises were a matter of weeks and months rather
than years, but the effects of them have continued into the rest of our
lives.
‘Ouch!’ - the reality of the crisis
Sometimes we may think that crises only happen to others. Then
something happens which rapidly shatters that illusion! Crises can
happen to any of us. It becomes a very personal experience and we have
to face it ourselves. Our first reaction may include surprise, shock,
numbness and even total disbelief as to what is actually happening. But
it is real and affects not only us personally, but also our families,
friends, church and community. These things shake our security.
The way we face and handle such a crisis depends very much on the
attitudes and beliefs we already hold. Such deep experiences can either
make or break us. They can shatter us completely or, like a crisis in a
fever, can be the turning point beyond which there is, not only
recovery, but also the realisation that it could be a springboard for
development and growth in spiritual character and grace.
‘Why?’ - reactions to the crisis
This is the great question that perhaps we all ask to begin with: ‘Why
has this happened to me?’ Even our Saviour asked it! (Matthew 27:46)
It is important to be honest with God about how we feel. However, the
natural reaction of ‘Why?’ has no easy answer in most cases. It is
very unhelpful in the end to keep going round in circles with this
question. We must pray that God will help us to accept that what he
allows is right. He does not expect us to arrive at that acceptance
quickly. He knows that our sinful and ignorant natures will struggle and
cry, but it is also he who strengthens and comforts us.
Grief, during any ongoing situation, is painful, because it is real.
There are actual physical symptoms of tightness in the chest or throat,
heaviness of the body, deep sighing and a lack of concentration. Some
may feel stunned, hysterical, bewildered, or nearly or actually
paralysed. This is the body reacting naturally, protecting itself. These
may lessen over a few hours or days, but other things come to the
surface. 
A
sense of emptiness, depression, loss of spirit, initiative and
motivation makes life seem suddenly worthless. This can then lead to
feelings of guilt, anger, fear, distress and sorrow, sometimes resulting
in deep body-shaking and weeping. Physically, we can become very tired
as the awful weight of sadness excludes proper relaxation.
The word ‘reave’ in bereavement means literally to deprive
forcibly or take by force. The person affected is broken up within in a
deeply personal experience. It is spiritual, mental and emotional
anguish, which affects the whole personality. Sometimes, hating to see
our ill son suffer, we longed for the Lord to take him. We truly feel
that, after 9 months, we experienced what mental agony meant, but even
so it was nothing compared with the fearful hopelessness we could see
our non-Christian friends felt.
We must remember that all our trials are known to God. Think how the
Lord Jesus himself suffered mentally and physically in the Garden of
Gethsemane (Luke 22:41-44); and also how he shared in the grief of
others, as with Mary and Martha at their brother’s death (John 11:35).
Consider, too, the psalmist’s experience, for example, in Psalms 6, 27
and 73.These feelings are not necessarily wrong. They are very human and
natural. How we handle them and move forward through these crises to
relief and restoration will depend on how we understand the purpose of
these things from God’s point of view. That should always be the aim
of the godly believer.
‘Help!’ - responses to the crisis
What is the right response that will lead to a good and fruitful
outcome? In one sense we are never prepared enough for any difficulties
in life. For the believer it will be a case of learning from the first
challenges to our faith in a way that will help us build a stronger
foundation for future tougher tests.
Supremely, we need to look at Jesus as he faced the biggest crisis in
his life when he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46).
These are some of the things that we can do as we face our personal
crises:
- Realise that our Lord himself faced great agony, sorrow and
distress vv36-38 – therefore he understands completely
(Hebrews 4:15-16).
- Humble ourselves consciously before the Lord in prayer v.39, even
if we hardly know what to say. Learn to pray first, not
as a last resort (Matthew 6:33).
- Understand that it is not wrong to ask to be helped and delivered
from our trials, vv.39,42,44. Help, Lord! (Psalm 12:1).
- Submit to the Father’s loving and holy will, v39, … but as
you will.
- Get others to come and pray with and for you v40. Allow others to
help – they want to!
- Watch and pray, vv38,40,41. Try to discern what God is saying,
teaching and doing for you. Remember there is always a purpose in it
(Hebrews 12:10-11).
- Get up and go forward to embrace God’s will for you whatever it
may cost, vv44-45.
Realise that the Lord’s great crisis brought us salvation. Ours too
will bring us blessing to ourselves and to others if we persevere.
