A challenging new family!

Jenny, Dunstable

For seven years we had been running a Christian bookstall as a witness at the local Saturday market in Leighton Buzzard, funded by my supply teaching. This had to be given up when I had to spend more time with my father, who was dying of cancer

My husband and I attended a Christian conference and we both felt challenged to seek God's guidance for the future. We prayed, investigated missionary service overseas, working for a Christian organisation or even opening a Christian bookshop. Chris, my husband, whose father had worked with children in care, said he felt we should consider adopting children. Having worked in a large comprehensive school for some years, I'm afraid I did not have the same enthusiasm.

Four years later our sibling group arrived, with just two weeks' notice. All three had been badly abused, and as a result were very disturbed and displayed this in many forms of outrageous behaviour. The house was wrecked repeatedly, with constant damage to floors, walls, doors, ceilings and furniture. Faeces being rubbed into toys, self-harming and other things best forgotten were difficult to cope with. While this was going on we had constant battles with schools, as they could not cope with our children.

Social Services told us that when the children settled the disturbance would stop. After years of psychotherapy for all three, we discovered that, not only were they emotionally disturbed, but that they were all on the autistic spectrum. Two of the children had Asperger's syndrome and one was severely autistic. Not only that, we discovered that the youngest and eldest suffered from Hashimoto's disease and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

One day I was stopped by the headmistress of the boys’ lower school and she asked how the boys – now 19, 17 and 14 – were. I told her, and she congratulated me on how well we had done with them and on the fact that my husband and I were still smiling. Yes, there have been many tears and cries for help to our heavenly Father, but we give thanks and praise to him that he has given much guidance and help over the years. Our church, Dunstable Baptist, has shared in our trials, and we have been blessed by their faithful prayers.

As Christian parents, we were determined to introduce Christianity to these three young lives. Thus, even in their untrained state, we took them to church on a Sunday and to the mid-week youth meetings, teaching us all patience and forbearance! Every night we have family prayers, singing and age appropriate Bible study. It was these acts of worship that united us as a family through dark and difficult days. Some have told us that we should not indoctrinate the boys, but the Bible teaches us to train children in the way they should go, and we have done our best to do so.

Our middle son wanted to try all religions before he would consider Christianity. For such an argumentative child, it was amazing to see how God worked in his life and how he eventually surrendered to Christ's call, having realised that Christianity was the only true way. The youngest and severely autistic son cried himself to sleep for nights on end realising that he was a sinner, but would not at first grasp that God would forgive him. God enlightened his heart and he, too, is now a believer. After two years of experimenting in all sorts of things whilst in residential college, our eldest son came home. One night, in tears, he said he realised he was out of control, had done lots of wrong things and needed help.

Now all three children are Christians. We rejoice, knowing this is the most important event that can happen in life. Unfortunately, this does not take away the isolation from society that the lads and we, as a family, suffer because of autism. However kind and understanding people are, they find it difficult to include autistic people in social events due to the nature of the condition. Friendship is a concept that our boys do not really understand and, as young adults, life can be very lonely. Thankfully, our church has a youth club for teenagers and there are various occasions for social interaction.

More worrying is the fact that both Social Services and the medical profession ignore those on the autistic spectrum, because they do not always come under the umbrella of having learning difficulties or mental health problems. Few with such a condition are likely to gain employment or be able to fend for themselves in adult life. We continue to look to the Lord for the future of our three young men.