All my life I have been brought up in a Christian family so I have always been taught about God. I have always believed in God not just because I was told, but because it made sense. I have never doubted that there was a God because everything else seemed too silly and didn't make sense. Only God made true sense to me. At school I would always back up Christianity in religious arguments and always argue against evolution. I’d say, ‘How can you believe that an explosion created this world! I would never give a builder a bunch of bricks and some dynamite to make me a house.’ but I always thought I was one better than my friends because of what I argued for, and fought against, but I was just like them - not saved and forgiven by God.

Far from God

When I was around the age of nine or ten, I asked God for forgiveness but thought that Christians were made perfect from that point. Obviously I was wrong! Christians are sinners saved by grace. So when I did something wrong, I thought automatically I wasn't saved and carried on living without God and gave up.  When I was fifteen, I made another profession of faith. I tried to do it by myself. I forgot that God is the one in control. I didn't really go far in my Christian life, so sadly I gave up and went back to my old self.

When I hit age sixteen and started 6-form I started to go gradually further and further away from God. I became a lot more disobedient towards my parents and girls distracted me a lot. I also got invited to parties that involved alcohol so when I went to these parties I thought, ‘My life is great. I’m having fun and I don't care.’  I didn't want to ask God for forgiveness again because I didn't want to disappoint him and turn away again. I didn't have faith that he would keep me and answer my prayer.

In August 2009 when I was seventeen, I wanted to work in the holidays to earn some money but sadly I couldn’t find work. God had different plans for me. At church I heard a friend talking about a Christian camp. I was interested and thought it would be a great holiday and a break for me. So I applied and started to look forward to it. I was secretly hoping that I might come back with a young lady in my arms. My mum and dad would always say, ‘So are you going to learn something?’ but I always said ‘No! I’m going for some fun and a holiday.’

Camp

The day came and I arrived at the camp. My idea of the camp was totally different from how it turned out. There was a weird feeling as I arrived. I think it was the presence of the Lord around everyone. Nearly everyone there was a Christian. Most of them didn't know each other but they all had one thing in common - they had accepted Christ into their life. Everyone was so friendly. As I went to bed at night I would hear people talking about God and Jesus in their tents. It was really nice to see and hear people of my age talking about God.

I was made welcome and loved the talks that the visiting speakers gave. Half way into the holiday there was a talk in the evening. I didn't pay attention to it but it was the night that really hit me the most. We stood up to sing the hymn ‘Before the throne of God above’; I started to sing but soon realized I shouldn't because of ‘my name is graven on his hands, my name is written on his heart’. I stopped singing because I knew I wasn't one of his children. But I still listened to the words. The whole barn was rejoicing. It was amazing. After the song we sat down and the main talk started. 

I was sitting next to a young lady who was writing notes. The title on the page was ‘faith’ and it really made me think what faith is and how I needed it.  Then she started to write things. God was working through her to make me think. She wrote ‘Will you be a person of faith? Will worldly pleasures be more important than God?’ It really touched my heart and made me think a lot about my life.

After the talk had finished she turned to me and said, ‘You’re not a Christian, are you?’ and I had to say ‘no’ then she said ‘but do you want to be?’ Before I could answer, all my emotions kicked in and I had to leave. As I was heading to my tent I sat down on the bench and cried. I was so ashamed with myself and upset at how stupid I was, leaving God out of my life. A friend saw me, sat down and he told me that it’s not easy being a Christian but that it’s the better way, and he told me what it is like being a Christian and how important it is. Then he said, ‘Do you want to go back to your tent or come back to the barn?’ (meaning go to the tent and repent). I decided to go back to the barn because I wasn't sure if it was just that night that would make me think seriously. Towards the end of the camp I was really seeking and asking questions to loads of Christians. All my questions were answered.

Forgiven at last

It was the end of camp and everyone was going home. I was feeling sad because I wasn't sure what I had learnt. I was worried that what God was saying to me would be forgotten a few weeks later at home. But when I got home I thought to myself, ‘I need to forget about the temptations of the world and do something about my sin. I need to be right with God.’ So I went upstairs to my room, knelt down by my bed and prayed to God and asked for forgiveness, saying sorry for the sins I had committed and the sins I would do in the future because I knew that I would still sin because it’s something that we all do and sadly can’t stop.

After praying, I didn't feel a dramatic difference but I did feel a peace with God. There was this book on the side called ‘Read, Mark, Learn’. I didn't remember it being there before but I picked it up and the first chapter said ‘forgiven’. I knew straight away that was a sign from God showing me that he had answered my prayer.

It’s not easy being a Christian. I let God down but I know that God has his hand on me guiding me throughout my life.

 

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